Since setting up his account, the man has saved the public sector, overthrown greedy bankers, and completely altered the mindset of our society to create a Utopian system with magical unicorns.
“I just see articles pointing out how crap things are, and post them,” said the man, “and then it changes and is better, because that’s hat happens when you post things on Facebook.
“I hated the Tory government, because I think very differently to everyone else. No one knew they were crap, but I put a Guardian article up saying they were crap and suddenly everyone agreed.
“The world would be so terrible if I wasn’t here posting things that people need to know.”
One of his main staples is memes with poor grammar explaining the third world is full of ill children.
“To make sure my conscience is clear I think it’s important to remind people constantly that our capitalist system doesn’t work. On a good day my friends all pontificate about it endlessly in interminable threads under informative images I find, we shut our eyes, wiggle our noses, count to ten really fast, and everything is better.”
The man has a great deal of other objectives he feels he must accomplish before he shuts down his account.
“I need to make sure people aren’t mean to other people on the internet, so I’ve found a few articles showing that some people use the internet to bully people. I think if everyone reads that, they’ll definitely modify their behaviour. That’s just human nature.
“In my experience thus far, people love having other opinions explained to them, I mean how else can we improve society?
“I’m pretty sure I will be able to cure cancer, as long as a get enough likes. I’d try AIDS but no one ever seems to mention it on social media, so who gives a fuck?
“This ebola shit will be easy to nip in the bud, I’ll just put articles up showing it’s horrible.”
Once the man is done with Facebook, his account will be deactivated by Roman soldiers, and he will be resurrected three days later in a Twitter cave.